Saturday, May 3, 2008

Week 14

(Sorry for the formatting, the cinergy/blogger change)

EXT. CENTRAL PARK. DAY.
Will and Jodie are biking together. Both wear their helmets and they are laughing. Will swerves to mock crash into Jodie, who giggles and swerves away from him.
INT. JOE'S ICE CREAM SHOPPE. EVENING.
Jodie and Will sit in a booth, heads together, eating from the same dish of ice cream.
EXT. FIFTH AVENUE. EVENING.
Jodie and Will walk together holding hands as they peer into shop windows. Jodie points to a skirt hanging in the window and Will makes a face at her. She turns away, laughing.
INT. BALLET ACADEMY. NIGHT.
Jodie walks down the hallway, head down, lollygagging. Her mother is walking towards her at a brisk pace, looking directly at her. Jodie goes to walk by not even noticing her mother. Her mother shoots her hand out and grabs Jodie's arm.
JODIE
Oww.
MOTHER
What are you doing?
JODIE
(Startled)
What do you mean?

MOTHER
Lisa said your dancing has been off lately.
JODIE
You talked to my instructors about me?
MOTHER
(Angry)
No. They talked to me. She said you had been doing poorly and asked if you were feeling okay.
JODIE
Oh.
MOTHER
I know what's going on, Jodie. Don't think I don't see what this boy is doing to your dancing.
JODIE
That's all you ever care about. Dancing. What about me? I actually like Will and he likes me.
MOTHER
How do you know Jodie? It's not that I don't care about you, I do. I also know what it feels like to lose everything you have worked for.
JODIE
I'm not going to do that, Mother. Dancing is very important to me.
MOTHER
Yes, but not as important as that boy is.
Jodie says nothing to that and her mother stalks off angrily.
Two weeks later…
A group of ballerinas stand huddled together, whispering.
BALLERINA 1
Do you think something is wrong with Jodie?
BALLERINA 2
I don't know. She doesn't look good.
BALLERINA 3
Maybe we should ask her if everything is okay.
BALLERINA 4
She has been pushing herself way too hard lately.
BALLERINA 2
I don't know what she is trying to prove but she is going to make herself sick if she doesn't let up.
They group goes back to silently watching Jodie dance.
JODIE
Come on, Jodie. You can do this.
JODIE
I know you can. This is for all everyone. For Will and Mother and the instructors and even those annoying girls that are watching.
JODIE
You are the best goddamned dancer here and now you can show them.
JODIE
Rub it in.
JODIE
I just don't feel so good all of a sudden.
JODIE
I'm tried and shitty feeling.
BALLERINA 3
(Shocked)
Oh my God! Jodie just fell.
BALLERINA 1
Hurry! Someone get a doctor.
They all rush to Jodie's side where she is now lying on the floor. They shake her and call her name.
BALLERINA 2
Jodie! Jodie! Wake up! Call her mom.
Two instructors rush in with the academy's doctor at their heels.
INSTRUCTOR 1
What happened here?
(To the ballerina spectators)
BALLERINA 1
I don't know, sir. We were watching Jodie dance and she just collapsed.
BALLERINA 2
She has been pushing herself sir for the last two weeks.
INSTRUCTOR 2
That's what good dancers do, girls.
INSTRUCTOR 1
Don't worry. We’ll get her set up at the clinic. Go on now.
The instructors and the doctor place Jodie on the gurney that had been wheeled in by a medic. They wheel her out to the waiting ambulance and load her into the doors. The ambulance drives off.
Roni calls Will after she hears about Jodie. News travels fast when it concerns the academy's best dancer.
RONI
Hi Will. It's Roni.
WILL
Hey, how are you? How's Matt?
RONI
Oh, we're good but that's not why I'm calling.
WILL
Oh, yeah. What's up?
RONI
You're not going to be happy about this.
WILL
Just tell. You are starting to scare me.
RONI
Jodie collapsed today at dance practice.
WILL
What? Where is she?
RONI
At the hospital I think. She hasn't come back yet.
WILL
Which one?
RONI
NYH.
RONI
Will... are you there?
Nothing but the dial tone buzzes in Roni's ear and she hangs up slowly.
EXT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL. EVENING.
Will rushes in the doors and heads straight to the reception desk where he briefly speaks to a woman. He goes to the elevators and to pushes the button for up. Stepping into the elevator, he hits the seventh floor button and rides up. Stepping out of the elevator, he walks to the nurse's station and is stopped in his tracks by someone that looks like an older version of Jodie.
WILL
Hi. You must be Jodie's mom. She has told me so much about you.
MOTHER
Yes, you're Will, I presume. My daughter doesn't have many boyfriends so I assume that's you.
WILL
Yeah that's me. Where's Jodie? What's wrong with her?
MOTHER
She's in room 721. She is very dehydrated and sick.
WILL
Can I see her?
MOTHER
If she wants to see you then yes. I can't say no if she wants to see you.
Will and Mother walk towards the Jodie's room.
Outside the door,
MOTHER
I'll let you have some time.
WILL
Thanks.
He walks into the room and stops dead in his tracks. Jodie is hooked up to many monitors and has lines running from her to machines. She appears to be sleeping but as he approaches the bed, she turns her head and looks at him.
JODIE
What are you doing here?
WILL
I heard you were sick so I came to see you.
JODIE
I don't think you should be here right now.
WILL
What? Why do you say that?
JODIE
I'm sick and this isn’t a good place for you.
WILL
I want to be here with you, Jodie.
Jodie turns her head away and shakes it.
JODIE
Now is just not a good time okay Will?
WILL
I don't understand.
JODIE
(Angrily she turns back to him)
No, Will, and you never will. I have bulimia. I throw up everything I eat. Happy now?
WILL
(Horrified)
Jodie! Why didn’t you ever tell me? We could have gotten you help.
JODIE
I don't need help. I just need to dance and for you to leave now.
WILL
Jodie, please don't do this.
JODIE
I already have. Goodbye Will.
(She turns her head away again and closes her eyes)
Will slowly turns and walks out of the room.
Jodie sheds silent tears for something she doesn't believe she can have.
MOTHER
Goodbye Will.
Will doesn't appear to hear her as he walks slowly down the corridor. He gets on the elevator and goes to the first floor where he walks from the hospital and fades from sight.
End of Act 1... Act 2 acceptance.

2 comments:

johngoldfine said...

Hey amanda--so I read week 13 first and then seamlessly spliced it onto week 14 for a first act. Is that right?

So, this does what a first act needs to do: it sets up characters, various conflicts, and points ahead to act 2 and what will happen next with Will fighting for his and Jodie's life and happiness against her mother and (half-the-time) against Jodie too. No one in the audience believes for a second that Will walks down that hospital corridor never to return to the screen again. Not gonna happen!

I particularly like the collage of scenes you start with here--I'm a great believer in pictures as opposed to words.

What this could use is a tightening of dialogue--less of it. Less can be more! Trust the audience more. For example:

Roni calls Will after she hears about Jodie. News travels fast when it concerns the academy's best dancer.
RONI
Hi Will. It's Roni.
WILL
Hey, how are you? How's Matt?
RONI
Oh, we're good but that's not why I'm calling.
WILL
Oh, yeah. What's up?
RONI
You're not going to be happy about this.
WILL
Just tell. You are starting to scare me.
RONI
Jodie collapsed today at dance practice.
WILL
What? Where is she?
RONI
At the hospital I think. She hasn't come back yet.
WILL
Which one?
RONI
NYH.
RONI
Will... are you there?

Too many words, fuzzing the situation. Here's another example of too much:

INT. BALLET ACADEMY. NIGHT.
Jodie walks down the hallway, head down, lollygagging. Her mother is walking towards her at a brisk pace, looking directly at her. Jodie goes to walk by not even noticing her mother. Her mother shoots her hand out and grabs Jodie's arm.
JODIE
Oww.
MOTHER
What are you doing?
JODIE
(Startled)
What do you mean?

MOTHER
Lisa said your dancing has been off lately.
JODIE
You talked to my instructors about me?
MOTHER
(Angry)
No. They talked to me. She said you had been doing poorly and asked if you were feeling okay.
JODIE
Oh.
MOTHER
I know what's going on, Jodie. Don't think I don't see what this boy is doing to your dancing.
JODIE
That's all you ever care about. Dancing. What about me? I actually like Will and he likes me.
MOTHER
How do you know Jodie? It's not that I don't care about you, I do. I also know what it feels like to lose everything you have worked for.
JODIE
I'm not going to do that, Mother. Dancing is very important to me.
MOTHER
Yes, but not as important as that boy is.
Jodie says nothing to that and her mother stalks off angrily.

Too much doesn't make it stronger. So, for the next week, a little cutting....

Amanda said...

Okay I can do that.